Sometimes you have to make difficult decisions. This weekend I had to make a decision that reminded me just how old I really am.
I used to be borderline Goth about 10-13 years ago. I began my Goth phase nearing the end of high school and had the tendencies off and on until my junior year in college. I never wore the black lipstick or nail polish, but I had the long dark hair, the whiter shade of pale skin, the 18 hole Doc Martins and the vampire obsession. I was also heavily into the Gothic music scene, from hard-core obscurities like Nosferatu and the Virgin Prunes, to more popular stuff like The Cure and Bauhaus. And sheesh, I knew Bram Stoker's Dracula, with Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder, like the back of my hand. I'm still in love with Gary Oldman.
I'm not sure who first introduced me to the band Type O Negative, a goth metal group with blasphemous, vampiric and romantically morbid songs, but I was instantly hooked. Their melodies and lyrics spoke to me at a time when I was "finding myself." Not to mention their lead singer, Peter Steele, is a six foot six sex god with long black hair and a deep penetrating voice that would make any woman quake in her boots. I had the privilege of seeing them twice in concert. Both times in L.A., but years apart. I noticed a few months back that they put out a new CD (mighty amazing since reports said Peter was on the verge of committing suicide a year before).
Well, to make a long story possibly shorter, they are touring and happened to be at the House of Blues here in Las Vegas last Saturday. I didn't go.
Here are the reasons why:
1) I had to work at 7am the next day and put in 10 hours.
2) They were touring with two other bands, whose music I happened to listen to and could not get into.
3) I didn't think my boy friend could handle the Goth scene.
4) Because of 1) I wouldn't have been able to drink profusely, which may have helped with 2) and 3).
5) It might have been too loud.
Reviewing these reasons, I began to feel old. I chose responsibility and reality over youthful pleasure. Because really, the one reason I wanted to go, was to hold onto something from my youth that, like so many other things, is slipping away faster than I had anticipated.
I will always love Type O and their music because it reminds me of a different time in my life. It wasn't necessarily a good or bad time, but it was a time when I could go to a loud, drunken, metal concert and then survive a 10 hour day as the sun rose. You know why? My body could take it. I was young and full of energy. Now I'm reliant on a pillow-top mattress for quality sleep so that I can wake up without an aching back or head and make it through 8 hours of sitting at a computer, so I can come home and relax on the couch before dinner, TV and doing it all over again. I'm depressing myself.
Watch a Type O Clip and you'll make me feel better. Warning, it can be a little hard to take, but this isn't the full video and he had to change a few of the lyrics for the mass video.
grand total: 35219
Quote of the Day: Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say. ~Sharon O'Brien
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3 comments:
You aren't giving up your gothic youth, it's what got you to where you are in life, you are simply (and sadly) having to make those adult choices that sometimes prevent us from doing everything we love.
Embrace what makes you YOU. I still listen to those pop 80's bands that I loved as a kid. It may not be cool but it's who I am and you never know where that will take you. Turn it into your writing, I bet you could do a great goth vampire love story (and that genre is soooo hot right now). I have a script about a woman who falls in love with a former boy band member but doesn't know he's her former crush because he is now a very boring accountant.
Be you, because nobody else can do it as well.
Interesting video. I can only imagine what the nuns in my catholic school would have thought! They'd be praying for me right now if they knew I even watched it. I never got into the goth scene but that's probably because I was a bit old for it when it had it's heyday. Had I been a bit younger it might have held some appeal for me. But I can definitely identify with the feeling old and responsible mindset. I went to my grade school reunion last year and we wound up going to a bar after the dinner. We stayed until closing (4 a.m.) and even though I only had two beers I wasn't sure I should drive home because I was so friggin' tired! Long gone are the days of partying all night and going straight to work afterwards. But they were fun while they lasted!
Once a goth always a goth, even if our habits change and we have to worry about getting up early for work the next day. I do hope you're reading the Black Dagger Brotherhood books by J.R. Ward. I'm a vampire movie fan for life...I think you've met a kindred spirit.
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