alone with my thoughts

I lay here on my old double bed as the light from the hot Vegas sun slowly drifts further and further down the length of the window, casting half-moon shadows over my new bedroom. My laptop is open and filling the room with the ambient sounds of a favorite iTunes radio station and I am reminded that this is good for me.

I realize if I didn't have the music playing I'd be tempted to fall asleep. I do a lot more of that these days. I've come to find that I sleep when I don't want to do something or if I'm bored. Being tired seems to be an unnecessary requirement. Yet right now, it could be the wine causing such deep relaxation. When I come home from work, a glass of wine or a bottle of beer helps set my mood. That and a dip in the pool and/or a soak in the jacuzzi.

I'm fairly settled in the new place. After a few kinks, I've managed to move my stuff in nicely - hoping to get a better system of organization down as I think of things or as the paychecks allow. I've been so focused on the bare necessities, like a working washer & dryer, fresh sheets, towels, bathroom essentials and kitchen appliances that I haven't had the time for much else. Writing has fallen by the wayside. Bills have to be paid, the pool serviced, and the rest of the house cleaned enough to where I feel comfortable putting my things away.

But back to this being good for me. It's been harder than I thought transitioning from never having a moment to myself to having every moment to myself. Four years is a long time and it's tough being alone with your own thoughts. I know there is always something I could be doing or writing, but it's almost like the motivation is completely sucked into this newfound emptiness, this void. It's a strange feeling. Not entirely bad, just strange.

I've already had my friend Doug come out from California to the spend a weekend and that was tons of fun. I find myself looking forward to those instances of interaction much more than I used to. I still have to go back to Rob's once a week to watch my TIVO'd shows. Once I get cable that will change, but it's nice to be with him and enjoy the company.

I'm not anxious to date right away, mostly because I think I need this awkward time. It's been a while since I've had it, jumping from relationship to relationship. I'd like to dwell in this alone time and hopefully use it to be productive in my endeavors. I've got a book to finish and much much more to write, damnit!

My first order of business is to finish Shae and Maura's story from our tag session. I'll be doing that this weekend. Then it's back to the original plan...(see previous posts).

Well, it's about time for my nightly soak. Then maybe some reading.

Yes, this is definitely good for me.

Quote of the Day: When you are describing,
A shape, or sound, or tint;
Don't state the matter plainly,
But put it in a hint;
And learn to look at all things,
With a sort of mental squint.
~Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (Lewis Carroll)